Musings & Meanderings

What is a Death Cafe? Simply put, a place where people can meet and discuss death in all its aspects. Legal. Emotional. Legacy. Inheritance. Practical. Grief and Loss. Moving forward. Letting go. Burial. Cremation. Composting. Natural Burials.

We do not talk about death enough. It is happening to each of us every day..the 'little deaths'..but we pretend it is not coming.

I  had a friend who claimed that she could indeed take it 'all with her' when she died.

I meet with some people and we call ourselves a Death Cafe because that is what we talk about: death in all of its aspects as noted above. It has helped me feel more prepared and more aware of how complicated, and how simple, the topic of death for me can be. 

I am doing this for me, of course, but also for my adult children. To make letting  me go when the time comes a wee bit easier: paperwork in order, cremation paid for, my last wishes expressed. Me - prepared.

Locally there are a number of Death Cafes meeting. You can Google Death Cafe and see what is available in your area. I encourage you to visit at least once. 

Years ago I was taking an intense training and came across the phrase: living a life of no regret. 

At the time I was in my 40's and not so concerned about death and yet, that phrase 'held onto me' as I lived and got older. 

One time, fearing the end in the Bay of Honduras during a storm, in an overpacked small boat without gas....I asked myself: if I die tonight, do I have regrets? 

I could honestly say, at that time, no. I had done a lot of 'clean up work' with relationships before I moved out of the USA and felt ok saying, to myself, no regrets.

Luckily we did not capsize and I lived to tell the tale. And now, 20 years on, I ask myself the same question: will I have regrets?

And this morning, in light of all that is happening in our country, I wonder about shame. Regrets are hard...but shame. What if you die with shame? How would that feel?

Just pondering and believing more strongly all the time that cleaning your life and relationships up before death is probably a good thing.

I love this quote from Ram Dass: "We are all just walking each other home."

That statement seems so simple and yet, how many of us complicate it? Complicate  considering, really, what that means? 

And it just occured to me, January 24th, 2025,  that the idea of helping others, supporting others in these dangerous times is the very best I can do. We can do. Support. Care. Be kind. Help as needed. Donate. Protest. Vote! 

For me I know that what is true is that when I sit around and complain without getting into action, I just sink lower. Lower emotionally, lower vibrationally...lower.

So I committ to:

joining the ACLU

begining again to write postcards to GET OUT THE VOTE

and to demonstrate. Maybe all by myself or with others, holding up a sign and saying: this is ALL SO WRONG.

Thank you Bishop Dudde.

A client recently lost her partner of many years. Although the partner had been ill for a long time, when he died it was a shock. Sad. Almost unbelievable. 

Because he had been ill for a long time, what he wanted when he died had been discussed and decided on early in his illness. All that was left was to cremate him. But for my client she felt that something was missing in the whole cremation process. In talking to someone about death and dying she realized that she might have more leeway in creating a ceremony for him than she thought. 

So she approached the people at Funeral Alternatives about what she might be able to do. They were very gracious and allowed her, with a friend, to sit quietly for about two hours, playing music and reading poetry in an anteroom of the facility. She described it as being the perfect segue for her: favorite songs, favorite poetry and sentiments...the time there felt genuine and honoring. She was even asked if she wanted to push the button that would carry the body into the cremation area. 

For her this simple ceremony meant the world. She came away feeling more complete in herself. 

I encourage you to ask about alternative ways to create ritual and ceremony when you might be faced with a situation like this.